Self-Reminders

I tend to grumble and complain to myself a lot. My life is overall very very easy compared to most people, and I know that, but man, some days things are HARD and Satan uses envy to get me. It's become much more apparent to me over the last few months. It's just SO easy for me to look at other people and their lives and feel bitter that things haven't gone that way for me.

This was especially evident to me last night when we went to look at Christmas lights with the intention of stopping to see Santa halfway through. I brought cute clothes for the boys and geared myself up for the craziness that would be maintaining them in line and then letting them have hot chocolate and candy canes, ensuring a loud and wild final 30 minutes of lights-viewing. But Samuel was being argumentative and disobedient and Levi was screaming at the top of his lungs because he thought it was fun, and Eric wisely pointed out that there was no way seeing Santa was going to go well. So we skipped it. That may not seem like a big thing, but I was not happy. I agreed with the decision, but I felt so upset that other people have easy kids that behave. They enjoy parenting all the time and Christmas is magical and fun and all sweet pictures and caroling and sipping cocoa in their jammies. Obviously I know this isn't the reality for a lot of other parents too, but it was what I had concocted in my mind, and I was disappointed that it wasn't going to happen for us. I felt robbed.

But then I remembered that I have nothing to be robbed of. I don't truly own anything, and I don't deserve anything, except punishment and wrath. I'm not owed a perfect set of kids and a husband that dotes on me constantly, a picture perfect house and car and life. Frankly, I deserve the exact opposite. It's only because of Jesus that I have anything at all.

I get my panties all in a wad all the time because other women seem beautiful and poised and have husbands that work from home and kids that excel at everything and they are able to do things like write and teach yoga and travel. And I have to stop and think - why in the world am I valuing these things at all? The only things that are of lasting value are things that can't be seen.

So this is my self-reminder. I have far more than I could ever ask for, and more than I really can currently comprehend. My life doesn't need to be perfect, and honestly, I'm kind of glad it's not. My only responsibility is to do the very best with what God's given me now, to honor and point to Him. Anything else is just a sham. I choose to combat envy with gratefulness. Thank God for grace. :-)