You can't make this stuff up...

Yesterday this 5 year old boy came into the school office. He had a really mad look on his face, so I figured he was there because he was in trouble. (Note: this kid can be very sweet, he just has some anger issues).

Me: Why are you here today? Did you do something bad?

5-year-old: I threw some pencils and stuff at my teacher.

Me: You don't think that's bad? Why did you do that?

5-year-old: Because she stole my pencil sharpener.

Me: It's not stealing if the teacher takes something, sweetie. She took it because it had a sharp blade. She didn't want it to hurt you.

5-year-old: Um, no, she stole it. And stealing is wrong. My momma taught me that.

Me: Yes, stealing is wrong.

5-year-old: You want to know something? Back when I was a kid, I used to steal things.

Me: (trying to contain my giggles) Back when you were a kid, huh?

5-year-old: Yeah, but now, now I know stuff, like not to steal.

Me: (still laughing) I'm glad. Now let's just learn not to throw things, and we'll be good.

(At this point he made a ridiculous mad face. I had to go back to my office.)

Here's a conversation I've had at least twice this month already, with two different parents I might add.

*phone rings*

Me: Good morning! This is Mrs. Yates. How may I help you?

Woman on other end: Yes, my daughter is here, and she doesn't want to go to school. Do you know why she doesn't want to go to school?

Me: No ma'am. Who is your daughter?

Woman: She just keeps saying she doesn't want to go. I don't know why. She won't tell me.

Me: Well, ma'am, could you tell me your daughter's name? Or whose class she's in? Maybe we can figure out what's going on.

Woman: Do you think I should make her go? I mean, she doesn't want to go.

Me: Is she sick?

Woman: No. She just doesn't like school.

Me: Well, if she's not sick, she should probably be at school, ma'am. Who is your daughter's teacher?

Woman: Yup, I'll just keep her at home. Maybe that will make her happy. Tell her teacher, please.

*Click*

And my favorite phone conversation (I have this one at least once a week):

*ring*

Me: Good morning! This is Mrs. Yates. How may I help you?

Parent: Hi, yes, I need to speak with my child's teacher.

Me: Okay, who is their teacher?

Parent: Um, I'm not sure.

Me: Okay, do you know what grade they're in?

Parent: Um, I think second, but maybe third. Or fourth.

Me: How old are they?

Parent: Seven, maybe eight.

Me: I think I'm going to have to let you speak to someone else...

Oh, the joys of the public school system!