Winning their hearts.

I don't know much about parenting. I'm kind of figuring it out as I go, as I'm sure every other parent is.

I do appreciate being able to glean from other people's parenting wisdom. Pinterest and blogs have made that pretty easy. I can read articles or thoughts/ideas from other moms without ever leaving my living room. Some of what I come across doesn't mesh with my style, and some people seem to think that because their 9 month old hasn't thrown a tantrum yet that they're parenting experts. But occasionally I'll find something really encouraging, and I'm always grateful when I do.

One encouraging article I read yesterday was by a mom who went to a woman whose grown children all turned out amazingly well - they clearly had a great relationship with their parents, their own families, and the Lord. She had to know her secret. What kind of wisdom could she share?

The seasoned mother didn't respond with a list of things to make sure her children did or said or read (How often do we young moms look for checklists to help us feel accomplished as parents? I know I do!). In fact, she didn't really respond at all, but instead sent her (grown) children to the young mother to share what kept them so tied in to their faith and family.

The kids' response was simple - their parents won their hearts.
They took an interest in their kids' interests.
They listened intently to what their children had to say.
They sometimes passed up on other opportunities to spend time with their kids.
They made sure that their kids knew they were more than lovable, but likable as well.
They prayed for them and with them.
They helped them find their best traits and develop them
They worried more about their children's hearts than their actions.
And they constantly reminded them that who God created them to be was enough.

And that love in action won them not only to their parents but also to their God.

I hope that's the kind of parents Eric and I will grow to be. I know we (I) have a long way to go, but I hope our child(ren) will see that kind of love in us. That they will feel like they belong, like they are a special part of our family just the way they are.

It also struck me that the same principle applies to our faith. So often the idea that prevails in Christian churches is that we should "share" our faith - aka go through a list of scriptures to convince people of the deity of Christ. Really shouldn't our goal be to win their hearts? And while it's clearly Christ who does the winning, can't He - doesn't He - use us to do so?

It's easy to look for shortcuts. It's easy to just give someone a list of scripture verses. It's easy to follow a list of do's and don'ts in parenting. It's hard to invest in people, to take time to get to know them, to find a way to connect, to love them. It's hard to see their hearts instead of their actions. It's hard to remember that, no matter how different than us they may be, they are significant, they are enough.

I'm terrible at this, I know. I'm an awful listener. I judge way too easily and definitely find it difficult to connect with those different than me. I worry what others think and judge my own actions way too harshly as well. I'm sure I will have the same trouble as a parent. I already struggle and I've only just begun.

But I know I am called to something far greater, far deeper, and thankfully I don't have to do it alone. I hope and pray I'll learn to love deeply, overwhelmingly. And I hope that when my kids are grown and someone asks them about their relationship with their family and their faith, they'll be able to say the same thing: we won their hearts.